The Death of Hope

As she rolled over in bed to put her arm around him, the blanket fell away from her naked body. The chilled air forced her awake quickly, and the lack of his presence made it all the more jarring. With a groan she grabbed the blankie and pulled it up over her head, her hand poking out and fumbling blindly around on the floor searching for her bear. Bear in hand and all cozy under the blankie, she began to think of her day. What would she do? She knew what she wanted to do, but he had already left for the office, so that would have to wait a bit. The sun was already up, and she really should be out of bed, but just couldn’t find a reason as of yet. “Maybe a quick run will clear my head” she muttered to herself, and with a quick hug of her bear and a deep breath, she threw the blanket back and jumped out of bed. She quickly threw on a pair of sweats and a t-shirt. As she sat down on the sofa to slip on some socks and shoes, the dog came over and watched her.

Smiling she called him to her and began to pet him, her mind drifting back to a couple of weeks ago, and the events in this very living room. Shaking her head, she couldn’t believe that she had really almost left Jake to Tor. That would have been foolish indeed. They have a lot to discuss, but coffee at Denny’s would’ve done the trick. There was nothing but pain left for them and Kati knew it. But somehow, when she felt Tor’s lips on hers, that fire, it just frightened her. She had left too quickly that night, but returned within moments, knowing it was wrong. Much to her surprise, as she came back up the steps, she had bumped into Tor as she walked out the door, tears streaming down her face. Kati couldn’t understand what had happened, and she wanted to comfort Tor, but that was not the time. She had stood there, waiting to see what Tor would do, feeling badly only for a moment, because she knew deep inside that the other woman had not been there for her, she had gone for herself, and things obviously didn’t turn out as expected. Tor looked at her and walked away just as Kati was reaching for the door. She felt the dog lick her hand and snapped back to reality then. No sense dwelling on that night. It was over, and she was here now, simply enjoying what they had for what it was, nothing more and nothing less. Hopping up, she grabbed the leash and slipped it on the dog and walked out the front door with him.

The snow outside was melting but it still made everything so bright. She winced briefly as her eyes adjusted to the light and at the same time, realized she had forgotten her jacket. Turning quickly, she went back inside for it, but unable to find it, she just grabbed his hoodie, which worked well, because his ipod was there too. Pulling it over her head, she had to giggle a bit. It was huge on her. What a sight she must be. Popping the earphones in, she shrugged and walked back to the door, grabbing her shades this time on the way past. Walking back out, she took a deep breath and began to jog. She chose to run along the river, and set out that way in a slow jog. Making her way over the landscape, she just ran. Her mind began to formulate a plan for the day. A plan that would definitely leave Jake with a smile. She stopped for a while to let the dog play when he saw a squirrel running around, then turned and headed back to the house with ideas fresh in her mind.

As she entered the house, she went quickly to the bedroom. Tossing his hoodie onto the still unmade bed, she turns off the ipod and puts it on the charger and she starts to strip. Going through her things quickly, she found what she was looking for and tossed it on the bed by his hoodie and walked off to the shower. After a quick shower, she dried off and put on her makeup before leaving the bathroom to make her way to the end of the bed. Spinning her still wet hair up into a bun, she set about getting ready. She slid her black thigh highs up slowly, making sure they sat just right. They were, after all the most important part of her plan. Then, slipping the garter around her waist, she hooked the nylons to it with a smile. Standing, she walked back to the dresser and picked up her bottle of vanilla oil, and placed drops in very specific locations for his pleasure. Kati quickly slid her feet inside her red high heel shoes and grabbed the trench coat out of the closet. Grabbing her purse and phone, she gave the dog a quick pat and headed out the door. Pulling the coat tight around her she shivered. It may be a warm coat, but a lot of air comes up from beneath, and you would never realize just how much until you had nothing under it. She quickly got in the car and started the heat… rubbing her hands and shivering while she waited for the engine to warm up. She then turned on the radio and began her drive.

Pulling into the parking spot, Kati took a deep breath, trying to find the courage to do this. It was not her usual style, but, today, she was going to try something new. She grabbed her purse and got out of the car, walking slowly towards the building. As she came to the door, a man walked out and brushed against her, making her grip the front of the trench tightly verifying it is still closed. She made her way to the counter and ordered a sandwich and a cup of coffee. Sipping the coffee while she waited, Kati giggled to herself in disbelief. She was sitting in the middle of a crowded restaurant at lunch time naked and no one knew. Though she couldn’t stop blushing, she still found the whole thing quite amusing. Once her order was ready, she quickly paid and made her way back to the car. Once there, she set the food down and drove quickly to the HT office. Pulling her car into a spot close to his, she smiled. One more deep breath, and she got out of the car, grabbing the food, she closed the door, slipped the keys back in her pocket, and made her way inside the building.

She knew the way to his office well by now. Quietly walking past everyone, and she glanced up at the clock, she saw it was 10 till 11. Barely in time. As she reached his door, she remembered her hair, and quickly let it down. Still damp, it fell over her shoulders and down her back and she turned the doorknob. How she hoped no one else was in the office with him. Smiling, she pushed the door open and walked in, being sure to pull the door closed behind her.

Glancing up at the door, slightly annoyed that someone was coming in so close to lunch, Jake hoped whatever it was didn’t take long. He opened his mouth to speak, but forgot what he was going to say when he saw Kati there. She loved the look of surprise on his face. It almost made her laugh, but remembering why she was there, she said instead “ I brought you a sammie”, as she held up the package of food for him to see. He stood slowly and walked towards her with a grin. Instead of taking the food from her, he put his arms around her and kissed her gently. “Well, hello there. I tried to let you sleep in today” he said, then he took the sandwich and went to set it on the desk. “I know luv, but it gets so lonely without you there. I went for a run and I decided to come see you.”, she said quietly as she followed behind him. He turned around and she looked at him with a mischievous grin. “Aren’t you going to take my coat?” Kati giggled a bit and he looked at her curiously. “Of course I am hun.” Walking behind her he slid the coat of her shoulders and stopped, the coat still around her elbows, his eyes wandering across her bare back. His hands gently ran across her shoulders and down her side. Sliding the coat off her arms and tossing it toward the chair, he rested his hands on her waist and brought his lips to her neck. He began kissing across her shoulder, his mind racing as her scent took hold of him. His hands wandered across her stomach as he moved in front of her, their eyes meeting, knowingly. He moved close to kiss her but she protested quietly, teasingly, “not yet”.

Kati just looked up at him, finding courage in his presence and reached out, still somewhat shyly, grabbing the top of his pants pulling him closer. “It gets far too lonely without you there luv,” she told him in a quiet, trembling voice. She could feel the warmth of his body against her and the red slowly left her face as she stood looking up at him. Meeting his eyes at last, she smiled and stood on tip toe, kissing him deeply before standing back. She turned away from him and walked to the desk and with a small laugh, pushed everything to the side and hopped up on the edge of the desk, legs crossed, and moved the sandwich to the other side of the desk.

Her touch was almost too much for him. The way her need conflicted with her shyness drove him insane. To watch her stand there naked in front of him and blushing left him shaken, but to hear the catch in her voice when she spoke, somewhere between lust and fear made it almost impossible to wait. But somehow he did. He waited patiently to see what she was up to, but knew that even she did not know exactly. She was driven by the same need he was at this moment. Watching her cross her legs and sit there like she was, Jake couldn’t help but chuckle a bit. Only she could sit there naked, biting her lip without even knowing it, and still seem somehow innocent. Well, it was…almost intoxicating. He quickly closed the distance between them. He put his arms around her and pulled her close, one hand simply holding her close, the other getting lost in her hair as he started to kiss her deeply. As his tongue explored hers, he felt her shudder against him, causing him to groan quietly.

The sound of his desire was all it took for her. She quickly moved her legs placing one on either side of him as she started unbuttoning his pants. Pushing them to the floor, she began to rub him gently through his boxers. Kati looked up at him, needing to see the lust in his eyes before turning to kiss his neck softly, then suddenly bit him as she started to stroke his cock more firmly for a moment. Then, stopping as suddenly as she began, she put both her hands around his waist and kissed him softly one more time before sliding off the desk. Her body pressed against his fully, she kissed his chest and started kissing lower and lower, until she was on her knees in front of him and sliding his boxers down.

He gasped as her breath touched him. Looking down, he watched as she slid her hand slowly up his leg. He could see she was still uncertain of herself and her actions so he placed his hand on her shoulder gently as she began to tease his cock with her tongue. Her hand slowly moved up, she cupped his balls in her hand, she began to massage them, leaving him breathless as she took him into her mouth suddenly at the same moment. He couldn’t stop the groan escaping his lips as her tongue slid over the tip of his hard dick time and again, then slid down the length of his shaft. He tightened his grip on her shoulders suddenly and reached down with his other hand and pulled her up to him. Looking down at her face, he could see her need as clearly as he could feel his own.

Kati whimpered softly as he pulled her away from him. But as she found herself standing, looking at him, everything else just vanished. She needed him at that moment more than she even needed to breathe. The only thing that kept her standing was his hands as they slid around her waist holding her up. As their lips touched, a moan passed between them. A quiet moan of pure need from them both.

Jake moved his hands over her body from her hair down her back, slowly savoring every inch of her. He held her firmly for a moment to steady her, then slid his hands around her. The moment they rested on her ass, he lifted her to him. A slow smile spread across his face when her body reacted perfectly. Her legs wrapped around him as she clung to him. His cock slid inside her and she trembled in his arms He held her there for a moment, then began thrusting inside her, wanting to fill her until she couldn’t even thing anymore.

Holding him close to her, she dug her nails into his shoulders, moving with him slowly. Kati loved the look on his face the moment he felt her pussy around him. She moaned loudly as he filled her again and again, then kissed him gently. Turning her attention to his neck then, she nibbled lightly, whispering softly “you feel so good. Don’t stop. Please don’t stop”.

Then just as they began to pick up speed, he stopped again. Just stopped. He stayed still, deep inside her, and held her firmly still, looking at her. His lips went back to hers, nibbling and teasing them with kisses she couldn’t quite take. Then he chuckled quietly as he pulled away from her yet again. He stood her carefully in front of him, knowing she wouldn’t be able to stand. Just as her knees started to give, he grabbed her by the waist and spun her around quickly. Her back pressed against his chest, he reached around to cup her breasts in his hands and whispered quietly against the back of her neck “No babe, this feels good” He bit her neck once just as his hands slid off her breasts. One to her shoulder, pushing her away from him, the other to her waist, pulling her closer.

She cried out softly as she caught herself with her hands on the desk, his cock penetrating her at just that moment. She began to quiver around him the instant she felt him inside her. Body trembling, she matched his thrusts with her own. They moved together with a sense of urgency, as though waiting another moment would be sheer torture. She reached her hand behind her to grasp his thigh, trying to pull him even deeper inside her.

Shuddering as he felt her tight pussy around him, he couldn’t hold back anymore. He thrust his cock into her as hard as he could, lost in his own rhythm. They moved together faster, almost frenzied. He put both his hands on her hips and moaned as her hand touched his leg. “Babe” was all he could say as he filled her. But she knew. Her reply was all he could take. “Luv, don’t make me wait. Cum with me” And he did…..


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Subject: Chapter 2 Fri 14 Aug 2009 - 18:07
Almost two months had passed since Kati had arrived, days had turned into nights, and the nights had gone on and on. She stood there looking out over the river that evening, her long black dress flowing in the breeze, and reminisced over the last couple of months. She wasn’t stupid. She knew she was nothing more than a toy to him. It was all she had ever been, another conquest to sit among the many. She had met too many of them already, knew the stories all too well, yet she stayed to watch the story play out, almost as if she wasn’t a part of it herself. Sometimes, the pain was so great, she wished she could simply step off that the bank and just be washed away. That was the feeling she fought at that moment. Her body began to tremble as she looked out over the water. The recent rains had brought the levels up so high that the water was lapping at her bare feet from time to time. That brought her back to reality and she placed her hand on the tree next to her.

At just that moment, she heard a sound behind her and turned to see Jake walking towards her. As she tried to muster a smile, a strong wind blew and she lost her footing. Kati grasped at the tree, her hands sliding over the rough bark time and again trying to hold herself up, then suddenly, she felt his arm around her waist, pulling her back to him.

Jake was smiling as he walked up to the river. He had come home from work early today and found her gone. He took a chance that she would be here since she loved to walk along this path. As he turned that last bend, he had seen her dress billowing around her in the breeze and he couldn’t stop the smile that followed. But when she turned, he could sense her sadness even though she smiled to hide it. Sometimes, he wished she could just accept things as they were. He let her closer than anyone else, yet she always seemed to want more. The one thing he couldn’t give her. But then, Jake saw her slip. He saw her struggling to hold on and the rest of it all simply faded away. Closing the distance between them quickly, he wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her to him. “Someday, babe, you really have to start wearing shoes out here”, he said with a small smile. Though he was shaken, he wouldn’t let her see that. So, he simply shut his emotion inside and held her close to him for a moment.

She glanced up at him and chuckled quietly. That was so very Jake. Save her ass, then shut her out. But at least he made sure she was close to him when he did it. With a smile still on her face she leaned up and kissed him gently. “But Luv, if I did that, how would you save me? I like letting you play the hero,” she whispered coarsely. She slid her arms around his waist with a sigh and was just happy to be where she was. The rest of the world just melted away in that moment. She laid her head on his chest as a tear escaped her. She knew the time had come. Her pain was too much, and her anger was even more. Half the time she just wanted to slap the fuck out of him for all his bullshit games, the other half, she just wanted to keep pretending. Let him hold her there, safe from the world. But in all honesty, he caused her more pain than the world ever could. Kati knew how much he cared, but the simple fact was he was a coward, and he could never face himself. He wasn’t about to start now.

Jake stroked her hair gently as her head lay upon his chest. Sometimes, things just felt so right, like they were supposed to. But those moments were fleeting. His past always caught up to him before they could completely enjoy those times. He looked down to her and lifted her chin gently with his finger so he could look in her eyes. He was surprised to see the tears on her face. He kissed her cheeks softly, tracing the path of the tears with his lips. It was an apology of sorts. He hated what he did to her, but he couldn’t change things. He wouldn’t. No matter what, he would never feel that pain again. He could only comfort her and hope her pain would subside.

Somehow, his actions set her off. Her anger flared as his lips touched her face. She wanted to scream at him. To tell him what a bastard he was. She wanted to slap his face for the games he played with her. She wanted him to see that her feelings were as real as his own. She wanted to run away and never look back. To never see his face again or hear his name. She wanted him banished from her existence. But her love for him made all those actions near impossible. She couldn’t hurt him. She had made promises to him, and she fought daily to keep them. At the same time, her desire for him was overwhelming. His lips on her cheek were all it took to remind her. They were so soft, so contrasting with the rest of him. Those lips that whispered wonderful things in her ear. Those lips that kissed away all her pain the world had inflicted. Those lips that could make her shudder at the thought of their touch.

She turned and kissed him suddenly, the tears still flowing from her eyes. Only Jake could have her sobbing and still needing him so very much. Pushing him against the tree, she pulled his shirt over his head and proceeded to bite his chest as her hands began to move lower, nails dragging slowly over his flesh. She needed him inside her now. And she was going to make damn sure he would never forget her.

Jake flinched as the bark of the tree raked over his back. This was a side of Kati he hadn’t seen before, and he was really uncertain what to do with it. With her even. He was momentarily stunned as she took charge, then with a grin, he grabbed her and pushed her, almost gently, to the ground and bit her neck roughly as his hand went to her thigh.

Whimpering only for a moment as his hand found her inner thigh, she searched for her strength. With a deep breath, she pushed him back and slid from beneath him. Locking her eyes on his, she moved closer to him again, grabbing the top of his jeans. As she watched the surprise in his eyes, she smiled and pushed him back down. That surprise gave her the will she needed. Straddling him, she traced her fingers over his skin. Around his nipples slowly, and over his chest. Every once in a while, her nails would dig in, not quite drawing blood, but just enough to surprise Jake, then back to admiring him with her fingers. She spent a few minutes like this. Just watching his eyes, taking in every part of him, never wanting to forget. Then, just as she started to tear up again, she leaned forward to kiss his lips ever so softly. As her tongue began to explore his, she began to unbutton his pants.

He couldn’t help but smile up at Kati as she took charge. It was so cute that she tried to pleasure him, but he wondered if she knew that she didn’t need to try so hard. Her hands were shaking as she tried to unbutton his pants, but as he reached down to help her, the look she sent him told him to wait. So he did. He watched her, felt her tremble, wondered at the sadness that he felt from her, but not for long. As she pushed his pants away and wrapped her hand around his cock he inhaled sharply and his eyes took in the vision. He loved the way her hand looked around his cock, and more than that, the look of wonder on her face as her hand moved there.

She felt his eyes watching her every move as she took him into her hand and began to stroke him for a moment, then stopped. She looked up again and held his gaze as she moved her hands back up his body slowly. She let her nails drag roughly over his sides and up his chest to his shoulders, then slowly down his arms until her hands came to rest on his wrists as she positioned herself over him, letting his cock rub against her clit as she started to grind slowly against him. Bringing his hands steadily closer, she moved her body against his.

Jake gasped as he felt her heat against him. He had not expected that when she straddled him still fully clothed. His back arched, his body needing to feel hers, his dick longing to be inside her. He reached for her hips to try to pull her down onto him, but her fingers on his skin stopped him. Goosebumps followed the trail her fingertips painted on his flesh as she made her way toward his hands. His fingers stretched out in impulse as he expected her to lace her fingers through his as she had done so often when looking in his eyes, searching for strength, but this time, she simply held his wrists and moved his hands. Slowly, his hands were moved up her thighs, her dress rising in front of his fingers. He could feel himself growing harder as his hands moved. Her body pressing against his only amplified this. Then suddenly, her grip on his wrists tightened as she lifted his hands to her breasts. He looked up, startled by her sudden change, and saw tears on her face. He tried to reach for her face, to wipe the tears away. He never wanted her to hurt, but her hands gripped tighter, holding his hands against her chest. He could feel her heart beating so fast, he could feel the sobs in her chest, yet he couldn’t fight his desire for her.

Kati watched him as her tears fell. She knew he couldn’t stop what she had started. He was at last getting exactly what he wanted from her. He wouldn’t stop, even knowing how much pain it would save her. He would let her cry now, comfort her later, if her screams didn’t chase the tears away. She moved slowly now, purposefully, as she let his cock slide inside her. A single tear fell on his chest as she leaned down to kiss him again. Her kiss lingered on his lips. She savored him and released him at that same moment. Her hands moved from his wrists. One cupped his face gently as she kissed him, the other lost in his hair. He filled her completely now as she gave him control again. This was the moment that would decide how things would end tonight, but she already knew the answers, her goodbye was already written and waiting in her pocket.

A moan escaped his lips when he felt her pussy around him. He felt his dick pulsing inside her and he only needed more. As soon as she released his hands he grabbed her waist and pulled her harder to him. He opened his eyes and looked into hers again as she pulled away from his kiss. He could still see the sadness, but it mingled with the fire he felt burning inside. The need consumed him as he moved now. He thrust himself into her harder as she rode him, whispering her name from time to time.

She placed a finger gently on his lips to shush him as he spoke. She didn’t want to hear his voice now. She simply wanted to hear his moans. His screams. His pleasure. That was what this was all about now. Kati moved herself faster now as he matched her thrusts with his own. She moaned softly as he touched that spot inside her again and again. Her body trembled more with every move they made and she bit back the urge to cry out. Slowing herself, she leaned back down to him and moved with care as she pressed her chest against his, the cloth between them only irritating her as she wanted to feel the heat of his flesh, yet she knew it must remain. As they began moving together again, slowly now, rhythmically, she finally lost herself in the moment. Allowed herself to just feel his body, forget his hurt, and all his words.

Muscles trembling now, Jake fought hard to hold on as she touched her lips to his again. He could feel her pussy quivering around him, her body trembling as much as his. He knew she couldn’t hold back much longer. Wrapping his arms around her, he held her close and began to thrust himself even further inside her. His moans became louder as he struggled against his body and he deepened the kiss they shared. He held her close as he felt her start to cum.

As her body finally gave in to his, she remembered what this was supposed to be. This was goodbye, not a tender moment to be coddled. She pulled herself out of his arms and moved her body with a purpose now. As she rode his cock harder and faster, her body trembled and she cried out. Her orgasm consumed her and let her forget if only for a moment…

His body shook with hers as he came inside her. His mind, lost in the moment, he could barely comprehend her words as she began to speak at last. He heard her voice asking, “Was that good for you luv?” But before he could think of answering, she continued. “Have I finally become all that you wanted?” His mind began to clear as she stood. He didn’t know what to think or what to say as she continued speaking. “I can never be everything that you want. I know that now. But at least here, today, I managed to give you what you wanted most. Now, I give you freedom.”

Knowing he couldn’t respond yet, knowing he would be processing this long after she was gone, she knelt beside him and whispered her final words. “Just know that I loved you. I hope when I am gone you can find a way to forgive that, since it seems to be the greatest crime I could commit against you.” Her tears flowed freely now as she fought to speak the things that weighed on her so heavily. To tell him all the truths she knew now, but she couldn’t find the strength to tell him. She wanted him to know that she knew about his lies, that the others had all shown her the truth. But somehow, she still believed them. Every fucking word he spoke to her over the past 8 months, she believed even now, as she choked on her tears. “Know that I love you still.”

With that, Kati, got to her feet again and looked down at him. One deep breath more and she tore her eyes away from him and turned to walk back to the house where Tor should be waiting for her by now, silent tears streaming down her face. But a smile spread across her face as she turned. Tor was already there, almost touchably close, her red locks flowing freely as she strode right past Kati and stood over Jake. Kati turned to watch as Tor looked down upon the man they had both loved so completely. She saw none of the pain or torture in the woman’s eyes. Only pity. Kati flinched as Tor’s voice rang through the evening air. It was cold, full of only disdain. “You really fucked this one up didn’t you Baby Boy?”

Tor turned looked back at the woman behind her, wearing her pain so openly. She remembered that pain all to well. She glanced back down to Jake with a look akin to sympathy, then with a shake of her head she walked away from him for the last time and wrapped her arm around Kati’s waist.

She felt Tor’s arm around her and searched for the courage to walk away. To walk away from this man who still held her heart in his hands. Knowing if he asked her to stop, she couldn’t. The note she had written him just hours before was crumpled in her hand. She had been at a loss when this began, so the note was nothing more than lyrics to a song she had hoped would say enough. With a deep breath she looked to Tor one more time for strength and began to walk away, letting the note fall to the ground as the song played though her mind. ‘It took the death of hope to let you go’….

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence
And leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage
For what resembles rage again

So if you love me let me go
And run away before I know
My heart is just too dark to care
I cant destroy what isn't there
Deliver me into my fate
If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you
My smile was taken long ago
If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart...
When you refused to fight

So save your breath I will not hear
I think I made it very clear
You couldn't hate enough to love
Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend
Then I could hurt you in the end
I never claimed to be a Saint
My own was banished long ago
It took the death of hope to let you go

So break yourself against my stones
And spit your pity in my soul
You never needed any help
You sold me out to save yourself
And I wont listen to your shame
You ran away you're all the same
Angels lie to keep control
My love was punished long ago
If you still care, don't ever let me know

Slipknot-Snuff